Thursday, July 26, 2012
I never said it would be easy....Stuck in Limbo.
So.. I am ready to share my TTCAL journey. Most people know it took us 9 months to conceive Aidan..but what most don't know is I did have a very early miscarriage the summer before. We told no one at the time because honestly we didn't even know what was happening. After Aidan passed away I was lost..but I did know that I wanted to TTC again as soon as I was clear to. My new goal in life was to bring Aidan's brother or sister into this world and most important, into my arms and home. We went through about 6 cycles trying with no luck..and I was charting and knew when I was ovulating. I decided to call my new doctor for some help. She recommended a colleague of hers that was a fertility specialist. I didn't want to believe we were having fertility issues..but I also didn't want to wait. Unfortunately my insurance would not cover anything infertility wise. After one more cycle we threw in the towel and started to pay out of pocket to see her. They put me through all the IF tests like B/W and a test called an HSG. I was lucky enough to feel no pain during this test and best of all it was clear..showing no visible problems...my tubes were clear. Okay..now onto my 10th cycle...nothing..than 11th..nothing. We decided to try an unmedicated IUI.. One reason was we were paying out of pocket and the meds have a multiple side affect....and as we all know, carrying multiples would be pretty dangerous for me. Well.. IUI #1 was a bust..moving on. We decided to get a better health insurance that would pay for all these procedures and testing..it was getting financially overwhelming. Cycle 13 passed and the insurance went through in time for IUI #2 on cycle 14...again unmedicated.....NOTHING!! I was starting to get fed up with all of this and we decided to move on with a low dose of clomid and an ovidrel injection for IUI#3. I was monitored very closely as to make sure I did not produce too many follicles (possible eggs). The clomid helped me produce 3, and we were off!! I was super excited even though I know better than to get my hopes up. I went in for B/W to see if the IUI worked..the phone rang later that afternoon and the doctor said it didn't work. I was surprisingly okay and ready to move onto cycle 16...and I did...well... I thought I did. I had to go in for more B/W to confirm I wasn't pregnant and an U/S to check for cysts from the last clomid cycle. All was clear and I began my 5 days of clomid. Fast forward to "monitoring day" to check how many follicles I had and more B/W. I was sent home to wait for a phone call...story of my life. My doctor called and told me to have Mikey give me my injection that night and IUI in 2 days. A couple hours later the phone rang again.. the doctors voice sounded worried and she said there was a problem. My B/W from 2 weeks ago had been overlooked and I was indeed pregnant! My mind started to race as I thought of all the things I had done in the last couple weeks...heavy exercising, uncooked egg yolks, painting the bathroom..OMG!! I had taken 5 days of CLOMID!!! By this time I was hyperventilating and trying to keep it together. She then told me she had my HCG checked from that days B/W and the numbers were rising, but not high enough for a viable pregnancy. I took a deep breathe and finally asked her to tell me what was happening. She said I was probably miscarrying but there is a chance I was having an ectopic pregnancy. I really started to panic and the next few days were a blur. Of course I had to go back in in a couple days for U/S and more B/W. There were no visible signs of an ectopic but I guess that doesn't rule it out completely. My HCG had risen a little but the doctor thought it was peaking, and we all hoped it would go down from there. More B/W yesterday and it is unfortunately still rising. I hate that we don't know what is happening. My doctor is still believing or hoping this is a miscarriage..so are we. I need to go back for more B/W and another U/S to see what is REALLY going on. The decision will be made whether or not to treat me for an ectopic. If I ever wanted to know what limbo felt like...Now I know.