Saturday, July 30, 2011

Saying goodbye doesn't get any easier..

Yesterday I had to make a choice and say goodbye to a dear friend.  A four legged pal that has stuck by my side for nine years through the good and terrible times.  He never judged me..he went wherever I went..and always had time for me.  Nine years ago I got a phone call that a shelter an hour away had receive newborn kittens.  I jumped in the car and drove to pick out my new kitten.  While looking at the cute little balls of fur, I felt something on my shoulder.  It was a gray and white paw reaching out from a cage.  He wasn't a newborn kitty, but a little older..almost a year.  I knew right then, he had chosen me.  When they told me his story of being sent from home to home and to end up at a heart broke.  I signed the adoption papers and I was  home bound with Hmmmmm?  what to name him?  Spiderman had just come out and I thought TOBY!!! like Tobey Maguire.  So that was it.  His name was Toby.  He was quite the handful.  At night he would stand on my nightstand while I slept ready to pounce like a cheetah..and them AHHhHhhhhh!!! He would dive into my long curly hair and get all tangled up.  What a way to wake up every morning! Except for the mornings my feet would be hanging out of the blankets and he thought it would be fun to play cliff hanger by latching his claw into my toe and hang like a monkey.  Um.. I'd rather he be tangled in my hair.  I did a lot of traveling in the next couple years. He was amazing during the long car rides from Boston to Florida and back again. He was my buddy. Fast forward to our first house.  He made himself right at home for five years. Then..."What is that black furry thing walking around my house?"  Toby meet Bella! They were best friends right away. Always looking out for each other.  That's why watching Bella kiss Toby on the head for  the last time was harder than anything.  Last week we started noticing Toby wasn't eating very much.  I brought him to the Doctors on Wednesday to be checked out.  We left waiting for the results and thinking we were going to have to start him on some new expensive food or pills. That wasn't the case.  Thursday morning the Doctor called me and told me Toby's kidneys had failed and it was very bad.  She said he had been putting up a front for me..trying to act like everything was ok and that he was a strong kitty.  She then told me it would be best to ease his pain and suffering by letting him go.  My head began to spin and my heart dropped.  Only four months ago to I had to say goodbye to my son after just meeting him, now I have to say goodbye to Toby.
After multiple opinions we decided that letting him go play with Aidan in heaven was the best thing we could do.  I guess God thought he needed a pet.  And Toby was the perfect one.  So on July 29th exactly four months after Aidan was born and flew to heaven, we let Toby join him.  It's very hard to look at the spot where his bowl was and see bare floor..or to wake up in the middle of the night while Mikey and Bella sleep in the bedroom, to an empty house. It's hard to come home, open the door carefully and look down to not see him waiting for me. It's hard to write this post on the computer by the window where Toby would sit with me.  He was there for me through so much.  I'll love him always..but I know his soft fur is keeping my Aidan warm and comforted in heaven.  I should be very happy today because it is Bella's first birthday.  I am very thankful for her and the many years and memories to come with her.  She has been looking for Toby in the house and I know she misses him too.  So 29 has been a rough year for me..the number alone makes me angry.. 3/29/11  7/29/11.  I never thought I'd say this..but.. 30 can't come fast enough. I hope that year will bring me some joy.  Only a month and a half left.

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