A Wedding, A million Birthdays and Antiquing with friends. Hello Fall!!

September is a very busy month for me!!  Regardless, I love it anyway. The smells, the colors, and the feeling of the beginning of Fall. 
September 14th, it was a gorgeous day, perfect for a Fall outdoor ceremony.  My baby brother's wedding.  Here are some things that I made for the day.

These "Bell's Cupcakes" I made for the Rehearsal Dinner for the Bride & Groom (they are clothespins)

Bell's Cupcakes for the Bridal Party~ Vanilla Bean with Cinnamon Butter Cream/Red Velvet with Cream Cheese.

Hangers for the Bride & Bridesmaids.

The sticks were the table numbers and were put in mason jars that were filled with beautiful fall colored flowers.

Flower Girls sign and pumpkin basket, Ceremony program, and Caramel Apple JAM favor.

Cake Topper

Pretty leaf pens for guests to make a wish!

Mr. & Mrs. Pumpkins for the Sweat Heart Table

And on to the wedding day....

The dress.

The Shoes & Bride's Rings.

Me & The Beautiful Bride, my new sister-in-law!

Me & The Groom, my baby brother!

My Mom & I

Married!!

Time to PARTY!!!

Congratulations to Josh & Julie!!!

September is a month FULL of Birthdays! Mine included.  I celebrated my actual Birthday September 18th with my fantastic husband at one of our favorite French Cuisine restaurants.  Here I am, making a wish!

And here it goes...Happy Birthday to!!!.... Jackie, Kristina, Aaron Jr, Jonah, Aaron, Nick, Grace, Me, Aaron M., Grandpa, Liana, Barnaby, Shaun, Jack, Sean & Dad!!  I hope I didn't miss anyone!

Yesterday after church, Mikey, my two good friends and I ventured to the Vintage Bazaar.  I love poking through all the unique antiques and "junk".  We had a lot of fun snapping pictures along the way.

Some cool finds at one of the booths..I love the chandelier and doll carriage.

Holly & Vanessa

Oh...just two girls in a tub!!!!  Hahaha!

Two Lovelies in a Volkswagon Beetle Trailer!

Chris & Holly

Holly, Chris & Vanessa living the Vintage Life!!

What I bought!

This photo tugs at my heart.

A great day at the Vintage Bazaar!!!

Twenty-Three and a Half Years Ago....

Twenty-three and a half years ago my Mother was pregnant with her third baby.  At seven years old, I remember vividly, standing in front of a screen door, looking up at the sky and asking God for a second brother.  Well...May 20th 1989 came around and a 12 lb 1 oz baby boy was born. (I think he still holds the record for the biggest baby born at that hospital)  He was named Joshua Andrew. (I gave him his middle name)  The years have surely flown by and Josh, my other brother Nick and I have shared many adventures together.  My two brothers mean everything to me.  Tomorrow I will stand in a pretty brown Bridesmaid dress and watch my baby brother marry his love.  I still can't believe this day has come.  When I look at him I still see him as a little boy who held my hand, even though he is like 6' 3" now!   He grew up so fast and I can't wait to see him get married tomorrow.

By the way....Thank you God!

One Step Closer..

No longer in limbo.  I am clear of an ectopic pregnancy.  My hcg went down on Monday and it is a miscarriage.  I am okay.  I never had a second to be happy about it.  I am, however, excited to move on..it makes me feel a bit guilty to feel this way.  If you look at the big picture, I DID get pregnant from my first medicated IUI.  For some reason it was not meant to be my Rainbow.  But, dwelling on the question "Why" will get us no where but a headache and a wet pillow.  Believe me...I know. "Why" is a question that floats through my head all the time and I hate it!  So the words I must continue to say are "One Step Closer".
There is a song I have played everyday since my piano has graced my living room.  I live by that song.  Some days I can sing it with confidence..some days it's a bit harder.  But one day, I will sit my child next to me by the piano and teach my rainbow how to play it..telling them that it was this song that gave me hope that they would one day come into my life.

I never said it would be easy....Stuck in Limbo.

So.. I am ready to share my TTCAL journey.  Most people know it took us 9 months to conceive Aidan..but what most don't know is I did have a very early miscarriage the summer before.  We told no one at the time because honestly we didn't even know what was happening.  After Aidan passed away I was lost..but I did know that I wanted to TTC again as soon as I was clear to.  My new goal in life was to bring Aidan's brother or sister into this world and most important, into my arms and home.  We went through about 6 cycles trying with no luck..and I was charting and knew when I was ovulating.  I decided to call my new doctor for some help.  She recommended a colleague of hers that was a fertility specialist.  I didn't want to believe we were having fertility issues..but I also didn't want to wait.  Unfortunately my insurance would not cover anything infertility wise.  After one more cycle we threw in the towel and started to pay out of pocket to see her.  They put me through all the IF tests like B/W and a test called an HSG.  I was lucky enough to feel no pain during this test and best of all it was clear..showing no visible problems...my tubes were clear. Okay..now onto my 10th cycle...nothing..than 11th..nothing.  We decided to try an unmedicated IUI.. One reason was we were paying out of pocket and the meds have a multiple side affect....and as we all know, carrying multiples would be pretty dangerous for me.  Well.. IUI #1 was a bust..moving on.  We decided to get a better health insurance that would pay for all these procedures and testing..it was getting financially overwhelming. Cycle 13 passed and the insurance went through in time for IUI #2 on cycle 14...again unmedicated.....NOTHING!! I was starting to get fed up with all of this and we decided to move on with a low dose of clomid and an ovidrel injection for IUI#3.  I was monitored very closely as to make sure I did not produce too many follicles (possible eggs).  The clomid helped me produce 3, and we were off!!  I was super excited even though I know better than to get my hopes up.  I went in for B/W to see if the IUI worked..the phone rang later that afternoon and the doctor said it didn't work.  I was surprisingly okay and ready to move onto cycle 16...and I did...well... I thought I did.  I had to go in for more B/W to confirm I wasn't pregnant and an U/S to check for cysts from the last clomid cycle.  All was clear and I began my 5 days of clomid.  Fast forward to "monitoring day" to check how many follicles I had and more B/W.  I was sent home to wait for a phone call...story of my life.  My doctor called and told me to have Mikey give me my injection that night and IUI in 2 days.  A couple hours later the phone rang again.. the doctors voice sounded worried and she said there was a problem.  My B/W from 2 weeks ago had been overlooked and I was indeed pregnant!  My mind started to race as I thought of all the things I had done in the last couple weeks...heavy exercising, uncooked egg yolks, painting the bathroom..OMG!!  I had taken 5 days of CLOMID!!!  By this time I was hyperventilating and trying to keep it together.  She then told me she had my HCG checked from that days B/W and the numbers were rising, but not high enough for a viable pregnancy. I took a deep breathe and finally asked her to tell me what was happening.  She said I was probably miscarrying but there is a chance I was having an ectopic pregnancy.  I really started to panic and the next few days were a blur.  Of course I had to go back in in a couple days for U/S and more B/W.  There were no visible signs of an ectopic but I guess that doesn't rule it out completely. My HCG had risen a little but the doctor thought it was peaking, and we all hoped it would go down from there.  More B/W yesterday and it is unfortunately still rising.  I hate that we don't know what is happening.  My doctor is still believing or hoping this is a miscarriage..so are we.  I need to go back for more B/W and another U/S to see what is REALLY going on.  The decision will be made whether or not to treat me for an ectopic.  If I ever wanted to know what limbo felt like...Now I know.

"It will happen when it happens?"

"Relax"... "Don't think about it"... "It will happen when it happens"  These are the words someone TTCAL does not want to hear.  I know people mean well when they say it..it just makes me crazy.   Believe me, I'm trying to relax..obviously it will happen when it happens..and how do you expect me to "really' not think about it?  Not think about what exactly?  The fact that we have been trying to bring a baby home for over two years or the fact that I held my infant son in my arms until his heart stopped beating?  I think about Aidan every second of everyday.  He was a part of me, and still is, and will be forever.  Therefore, the longing to bring his brother or sister into the world and into his or her Mommy and Daddy's arms is there stronger than anything.  I WILL get pregnant again..I just know this  The journey to that day is unfortunately a long and rough one.  I don't need someone to tell me this..I sometimes just need a silent hug or someone to tell me that they still love me regardless of my journey and what has happened along the way.

Curiouser and Curiouser.

 Last weekend we all took a trip down the rabbit hole for Erin's Wonderland Birthday Party!  I still can't believe she is 8 years old.  Time sure does fly!  I enjoyed every minute of the planning for this party.  As most of you know, I am a huge Alice fan.  I was thrilled when she told me that Wonderland was the theme she wanted to go with.

I printed out the invitations and rolled them, putting the small scroll into glass jars.  I added Read Me labels to get the true Wonderland feel.  The kids loved them!

I made 2 houses of cards and  banners of cards to serve as decorations.

After all of the girls arrived, we sat down to dinner.  The menu consisted of cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches, Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, & Couscous salad.

                        To drink, the girls sipped on red punch.  Of course they were labeled  "Drink Me."

 

                                             Even the older girls couldn't resist the label!

                                    After dinner, Erin and the girls Painted the Roses Red!!

                                             Then it was "Pin the Grin on the Cheshire Cat"

A Wonderland Party wouldn't be right without a Tea Party!!!  The girls all sat down to Tea, "Eat Me" Cookies and Chocolate Hearts!!  Yum!!

My gift to the Birthday Girl!!  A Happy Birthday Tea Cup.

While at Tea, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum hid all of Erin's Birthday presents!!  So...all the girls went on the search for them.  As they found each gift, Erin was to open it wear ever it lies.

In  the shower!!

In the refrigerator!!

On the trampoline!!

After all the presents were found, it was time for cupcakes and ice cream. And of course to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Cupcakes by Bell's Cupcakes

Happy Birthday Erin!!!!!!

                                                                  Tea Party Lovelies!!

                                 
       And.... at the end of the night all the girls sat down to watch..what? .... Alice in Wonderland!!

It was a great time and the girls had so much fun.  They each went home with a "White Rabbit" made of white chocolate with a "Key" to the "Beautiful Garden" and an Alice in Wonderland Coloring Book.

The back of the favor.